In this episode, we examine labels and how they can impact our identity. We'll explore the importance of reframing labels and understanding that we are not defined by them. I'll share some techniques for self-reflection and embracing the true, unique self beyond the false front created by labels.
In this episode, we examine labels and how they can impact our identity. We'll explore the importance of reframing labels and understanding that we are not defined by them. I'll share some techniques for self-reflection and embracing the true, unique self beyond the false front created by labels.
Podcast 73: Labels Are Not Who You Are
Hello my friends.
Have you ever noticed that we use labels a lot? Labels are applied to every group, every occupation, every everything you can think of. The world is full of people who identify themselves, their group, their religion, everything they do by some sort of label or another.
I belong to this group. I'm this type of person, etc. I'm a Christian. I'm an atheist. I'm a Muslim. I'm a scientist. I'm a Republican. I'm a Democrat. I'm a centrist. I'm a person of color. I'm a prefer not to say. That's the get out of jail free card on an application. We label by occupations, health status, age, height, waist size, IQ, clubs, marital status, gender, number of children, and hundreds of others. These labels are just that. But we can identify so completely by our labels that we forget who we really are.
Throughout history, wars have been fought over differences in politics, religion, occupation, lifestyle, race, etc. There's often a hidden war going on within ourselves, caused, in some degree, by our labels. You may have heard some of these: "Well, depression runs in my family, so..." or, "I have a bad back, so..." "I've always had weight problems, so..." "I have terrible feet." "My headache is killing me." Things like that. You may have heard some that are even more dangerous. While all of these things are negative and have a very powerful effect on our body, none are quite so powerful as these: "I'm celiacs, so...," or", I'm ADHD, so... ," fill in the blank. Saying, "I am," followed by a label that describes a condition, a group, a belief, or any other thing is really bad, because it's false. Our minds and bodies know that it's false.
You are not ADHD. You're not that thing. You're not that condition. You're not "celiacs." Celiac disease is simply a disease. That's not what you are. "I am prone to seasonal depression, so..." No, you sometimes may get a feeling, during certain seasons of the year, that you have to cope with in a new way, but it's not what you are. We have to be very careful about these labels and reframe them. If you're tempted to say, "well, I'm celiacs..." No, you aren't. "I'm ADD." No, you aren't. Reframe it. The things we say about ourselves become labels. Labels too often become our identity. Without our knowledge or awareness, they place us at war within ourselves. They are dangerous and destructive.
You remember seeing old western movies, and there's always the blacksmith shop, and the saloon, and the general store, and all of those, and they have big, tall, square, false fronts on the front of the building? The false fronts were meant to convey a vision of grandeur. This is a big, beautiful, important building. You should shop here. You should get your horseshoes done here. You should buy your cloth here. You should get a drink here. That's what the false front was for. And it often hid a much smaller, weaker, less stable, or less permanent building behind the false front.
When we label ourselves, we're not displaying who we are, but rather, a false front. But what's more important, what we show to ourselves is not real, when we do that. Our minds take our labels as instruction, and try to engineer a life centered on that very small portion of who we are. These false front identities make us slaves. They want us to accept them as what really makes us valuable, or as what really makes us unique, or important. But when any portion of that identity is then removed or changed, you are in danger of devaluing yourself—of thinking you are less than you really are, because some portion of that false front came down.
You may have heard the expression, "well, he lost his man card," referring to a friend who may have lost a job. This is often said when someone has spent years defining their worth by their occupation, and when that job is lost for any reason, they may crumble. Depression, despondency, and even much, much worse things are often the result. What the person fails to see is that they were not their job. A job is something they did, not who they are. You must be clearly and carefully aware of how you define yourself, and never slap a label on, like a gold star on your forehead, and then run around believing that's what your life is supposed to consist of.
One of the most important and beautiful things you can ever do is to find your false front identities. Unlike the buildings in the Old West, our false fronts are actually the smallest, weakest, most temporary part of us. The real you, behind the false front that you constructed to hide your fears, struggles, shortcomings, or insecurities, is glorious, and more valuable than you can possibly imagine.
CS Lewis expressed this beautifully in his book called, The Weight of Glory. Quote: "It is a serious thing to live in a society of possible gods and goddesses to remember that the est and most uninteresting person you may talk to may one day be a creature, which if you saw it now, you would be strongly tempted to worship..."
And then he continues: "It is in light of these overwhelming possibilities, it is with the awe and circumspection proper to them, that we should conduct all our dealings with one another, all friendships, all loves, all play, all politics. There are no ordinary people. You have never talked to a mere mortal." Unquote.
There are things that you can do this week that will be helpful in identifying what your false fronts are, what labels you're attaching to yourself that are not helping, but are harming you.
Number one. Set aside some quiet time to write a short description of yourself, your likes, experiences, gifts, capabilities, and value or potential value to others. Pay attention to whether or not you are tempted to assess your value by some group or category to which you belong.
Number two. Pay careful attention to what you say, especially to or about yourself.
Number three, write some positive ways to describe your feelings, plans, or ideas for coping in a more positive way.
Number four, ask a trusted friend or loved one to invite you to restate or reframe, when you apply a negative label to yourself or anyone else.
Number five. Begin to rewrite your beliefs about who you really are. Think big.
Number six. Allow me or someone qualified to help you rid yourself of the beliefs or labels that make up your false front.
You have no idea how amazing you really are.
We'll talk again soon.