Hello, my friends. Have you ever had a really bad day? I know the answer already. Of course you have. The other day I had one of those very, very bad days. And I mean the kind that I haven't had for years. The kind that makes you think, can I even go on? That sounds a little scary, doesn't it? But I think you know what I'm talking about. I think most everybody has had that every once in a while. All of us have an opportunity, every so often, to have a really good case of the dismals. And boy, I had one bad. I really was struggling. And I was scared. We learned that there was financial problem that we had to solve that we hadn't been aware of and we didn't know how to solve it. I was in lots of pain from some old injuries and from having not gotten enough sleep. We had a big decision to make about something, and my wife and I hadn't had time to talk about it. It seemed like it had to be made right then, but she saw it differently than I did, and we didn't know what to do. And there was tons of extra work. I had more going on than usual. And in the midst of all that, I had calls from friends, loved ones, and clients, that all seemed to happen at the same time, and it was a little more than I could handle. No, it was a lot more than I could handle. I felt myself accidentally taking on all of that stuff, until it became so heavy, I thought I couldn't bear it. I really kind of felt like I couldn't bear to live. Now, I would never engineer my own demise. If you or someone you love ever has those feelings, get some professional help immediately. But I just could not get out of that feeling. I could not shake the heaviness, the weight, and the pain that I was feeling at that moment. And so I had to do something. I had to do something to fix it. Can I share with you some of the things that I did that may prove helpful to you if, or when, you encounter such a bad, bad day? Number one. I spent some time crying. Actually, I spent too much time crying, but I didn't know what else to do. So I cried for a good long time. I kind of sat in a dark room for hours, wishing it would all just not hurt so much. And then, I remembered how to release some of the heavy stuff that wasn't mine. Often when friends or loved ones come to us--- or clients, in my case--- and unload heavy burdens upon us, we forget that those aren't our burdens. To bear one another's burdens doesn't mean to take them as our own. I can't help someone else if I am depleted, by adding the weight of their challenges and their learning experiences to my own. There's a really cool trick that my wife uses. She learned this when she was in massage school, and is a nationally certified massage therapist. She has run into similar things often throughout her career. The visualization exercise that she uses, and taught to me, goes something like this: I picture in my mind that I am standing maybe ten paces away from the person that I love and am trying to help, and I am holding a rope, or a ribbon, or a string, in between that person and myself. I smile at the person, look at them with love, and say,"What's mine is mine, and what's yours is yours," and then I cut the ribbon. Cutting the ribbon helps remind me that the things that they are to learn from their experiences are things only they can learn. It's not my job to go through the experience as though I were them. It's my job to help, encourage, lift, and provide resources that might help them overcome this on their own. They need to learn from their experience, and I need to learn from mine. The next thing I did was get some exercise. I did a bunch of stretching. I went out for a walk. And I know it's cheating. But I got a little help from my massage therapist wife. I Got some sleep Always get some sleep. I talked with a trusted friend whom I knew had been through similar experiences. It was very very helpful. I took the time to have a deep, and even exciting, conversation with my wife. When we were able to be very open with each other, be very truthful, be very thoughtful about how we approach this, and expressed our feelings and our point of view about this decision, it was kind of exciting what resulted. We ended up understanding each other better than we had before. We didn't make the decision, but we had a good experience. I prioritized what must be done that day. You know how I did it? I said,"what is the one thing that has to happen today?" And I wrote it on a post it note. You know what I did with the rest of the list? Completely ignored it. And the world did not end. In fact, I had a feeling of accomplishment that helped me overcome the doldrums, simply by having done the one thing that was on that post it note. You know what else I did? I waited it out. Time heals a lot of things. Even the most difficult of life's challenges are changed by time. Our outlook changes. Our understanding changes. Our help changes. Our vision for the future changes. Everything changes over time. Be patient, and wait. You know what else I did? I decided what this moment should mean. That is a very, very big deal. And I'll talk about that with you in just a moment. Before we do talk about that whole"decide what it means" thing, let me tell you what changed from those steps that I took. First, it allowed others to learn from their own experiences. While I was able to help them and desired to do so, I remembered to help them understand and learn from what they were going through. I didn't try to take it on myself and say,"there, there, there. I'll take care of it for you. You run along and play." That's not how it works. I realized that the financial problems may be solvable, and it wasn't really the end of the world. You know the expression, it ain't over till the fat lady sings? If the fat lady hasn't sung, it ain't over. Keep going. I was reminded that I could reduce some pain naturally. The exercise, the sleep, the walks that I went on--- all of that helped me think more carefully about the circumstance I was in. I was able to think more clearly after some rest and exercise. I found a solution to the immediate financial problem. It may not be the solution to everything, but it was taken care of, and the world still hadn't ended. I felt more connected to my wife, and more excited about the ideas that we shared, even if we didn't see things the same way. It was good to be reminded that there are a lot of things that we do value in the same manner, and see the same way, or at least hope to. I let the unimportant projects fall off the list, and was reminded of my priorities. And I felt better, bit by bit. Within a day, maybe two, I not only didn't feel like the world was ending, I felt optimistic and excited about the future. Do you know why? Because I decided what that moment meant. So let's talk about that for a minute. We've talked about complex equivalencies and self talk and those kinds of things. In every situation we get to decide what it means. Our memories aren't historical record. I know that freaks you out, but our memories are not a historically accurate document of what happened in our life. Our memories are the ways that our subconscious mind or unconscious mind stores narratives. We have an experience. We create a story about that experience, and that story is what is stored. Every time we bring that memory up, we're bringing up the story, and the story is altered a little bit with every retelling. When we decide what something means, we decide what the story includes, and that's what we tend to remember. There will be, however, forces that sneak in from the side that try to sabotage that story and make it not mean something valuable to you. We don't learn from success. We learn from challenges and mistakes. Be very careful about the things that I am to share with you right now. Number one: Beware of thinking that bad things are permanent. Even difficult things that do tend to last for a very long time, possibly for the rest of our lives, cannot be labeled as permanently bad things, because we don't know what lessons, what beauty, what love, what value, and what capabilities we develop as a result. And those things are positive. Thinking bad things are permanent is never helpful. Number two: beware of thinking you're the only person who's ever felt like this. I guarantee that you are not the only person who's ever felt that way. There is nothing new under the sun. After the millions and millions and millions of people who have lived upon this earth, I guarantee there's someone who has gone through something similar to yours, or worse. You can learn a lot from them and from their stories. Someone out there knows how to help you. Someone out there can identify with you, empathize with you, and lift you up. Number three, beware of thinking there is no end. There is no end to challenge. There is no end to beauty. There is no end to difficulty. There is no end to joy. Things are eternal, but thinking that this very, very bad day will never end is absolutely false, and it's harmful. Beware of making important decisions from an emotionally vulnerable or exhausted place. If you can, defer big decisions until you're back on your feet, at least a little bit. Beware using the language of fear. Let's see, what number is this? I forgot I was numbering then. Number one, beware of thinking bad things are permanent. Number two, beware of thinking you're the only one that's ever felt like this. Number three, beware of thinking there's no end. Number four, beware of making important decisions from emotionally vulnerable places. Number five, beware, and I mean BEWARE in all caps. I would yell it, but it would distort the microphone. Be extraordinarily careful about using the language of fear. Expressing fear, especially out loud, and especially when it is repeated;"I'm afraid we're going to lose this.""I'm afraid this is going to happen.""What if this takes place?""What if we never get over it?""What if we can't decide?""What if we make the wrong decision?""Everything's going to go... ah, it's the end of the world!" That stuff will kill you. Literally. It'll fill you with adrenaline. It produces a fight or flight response and fills you full of a cocktail of stuff that your body can only handle for a short period of time. Marinating in fear will absolutely wipe you out. It doesn't help you overcome anything. It doesn't help those you love. It certainly prevents you from making good decisions. Living in fear is harmful, always... unless you're running from a lion. But even then, remaining in that state after the lion is gone, or you've been eaten, either one, remaining in that state is not helpful. But it is very, very harmful. Along with that, and number six: beware of talking negatively about your situation, your relationships, your likelihood of success, or about those who care about you. Negative talk gets stored in our bodies and in our unconscious minds, and weighs something. But more importantly, negative talk is self-fulfilling prophecy. Do you want to guarantee that the struggles that you're having in this moment will be more permanent? Do you want to guarantee an inability to find a solution? Do you wish to guarantee loss of loyalty, loss of friendship, loss of success, loss of ideas? Do you want to guarantee losing something? Talk negatively about yourself and your situation. I'm telling you, it's poison. Be careful and think about what you're saying. Find ways to turn it to the positive."But what if it's something really hard? What if it's--- what if I've just been diagnosed with a terrible disease?" Does speaking negatively about it help you overcome? No. Never. So let's talk about this,"decide what this moment means" thing. All of us can decide which narrative we will store. Remember that our memories are stored as stories. We have an experience, we construct a narrative or a story around it, that gets stored in the unconscious mind, and retrieved when we desire. You get to decide, in every situation, what story you will tell yourself, and what gets stored? You can do this about an experience. You can do it about a moment in time. You can do it about a person. Doesn't matter. You get to decide what the story means. This is something that I recommend you practice. So, here's what I decided, after my very, very bad day. I can overcome things, and I have done so in the past. I can be patient with myself and with others, with the situation, and even with God. I can learn something from this experience. I can be grateful for everything good in my life, and for those who love me. Things will work out. This has been good for me. That's the one I get to store. If there are things I can do to help you, or things you would like to talk about, let me know. Go to natewalkercoaching. com, and on the contacts page in the comments area, tell me how I might help you best. Share this podcast with friends, loved ones, or others whom you think may be helped by it. And by all means, try having a very, very good day. Sometimes, the very, very bad days, and the very, very good days, end up being the same thing, all according to the story that you tell, the things you learn, and the gratitude that you feel having overcome something. Life is good. I want it to be good for you, and I'll help you any way I can. We'll talk again soon.