All of us deal with anxiety or fear of some kind, and to some amount, for some period of time. As I was studying for NLP certification, I came across this: "Based on metaphysical thinking, there is only one real emotion on the planet--- love. All negative emotions are derivatives of fear." part of my work then is to help people be rid of fear, whether via NLP, or just by being a friend. Our fears can range from what someone said to me recently: "I'm feeling a little out of control," to something as extreme as in the Bible: Job 2 verse 9: "Then said his wife unto him, doest thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God and die." He was really going through some stuff and she was done with it.
Some of our fear takes the form of stage fright. Some is just regular old--- and I mean regular old, though it can be crippling--- anxiety. Some fear is well-founded and some is not. Most of it will put us in a state of fight or flight, and spending a lot of time there will destroy your body, your mind, and your relationships.
Anxiety / fear of any kind, and excitement, are almost physiologically identical. As far as your body is concerned. They're the same thing. So what's the difference? What makes one shut us down and the other one get us all jazzed about what's about to come? The answer is all in your head, literally.
Here are some things that will help you find excitement, in place of fear and anxiety.
I can help you find excitement and hope for the future. Go to natewalkercoaching.com, click on the contacts page, and tell me how I might be of assistance. There are great things that you and I can do, and great tools that I have available to help you.
Hello, my friends. When I was in third grade, I was all excited and nervous and full of anticipation and had some stage fright, because it was time for the Christmas program. I really wanted to do well because my mom and dad were gonna be there, and I wanted them to be proud of me. After all, I was a third grader. I was practically grown up. I knew how to sing. I sang lots with my family and remember singing my first solo when I was four years old. So this was not new territory. But you know, stage fright is stage fright. I remember one of my classmates who used to get terrified when this time rolled around. The year previous to that, she had gotten sick while we were waiting to go on. As a third grader, I was worried that her stage fright might ruin it for the rest of us. And so I made a little wisecrack about,"well, let's hope she doesn't get sick again." Not long after that, she did. On the floor. I felt terrible about it. I had said something in jest that turned out to be very hurtful, when in fact she did--- we'll say--- toss her cookies. She was embarrassed, I was ashamed, and we were delayed a little bit while things got cleaned up and we all lined up again and trudged our way onto the stage. I'm not sure if she joined us up there. I have since lost track of that classmate, but I have thought often of that experience with some shame. I feel terrible about having said something so unkind. I couldn't imagine feeling as she felt. What a terrifying thing it must have been for her to go on stage! And yet I was insensitive because, to me, it wasn't as scary. All of us deal with anxiety or fear of some kind, and to some amount, for some period of time. As I was studying for NLP certification, I came across this:"Based on metaphysical thinking, there is only one real emotion on the planet--- love. All negative emotions are derivatives of fear." part of my work then is to help people be rid of fear, whether via NLP, or just by being a friend. Our fears can range from what someone said to me recently:"I'm feeling a little out of control," to something as extreme as in the Bible: Job 2 verse 9:"Then said his wife unto him, doest thou still retain thine integrity? Curse God and die." He was really going through some stuff and she was done with it. Some of our fear takes the form of stage fright. Some is just regular old--- and I mean regular old, though it can be crippling--- anxiety. Some fear is well-founded and some is not. Most of it will put us in a state of fight or flight, and spending a lot of time there will destroy your body, your mind, and your relationships. A study that I will link to in the podcast notes about anxiety disorders and cardiovascular disease, says in the abstract:"Anxiety and its associated disorders are common in patients with cardiovascular disease and may significantly influence cardiac health. Anxiety disorders are associated with the onset and progression of cardiac disease, and in many instances have been linked to adverse cardiovascular outcomes, including mortality." That means death. Given the associations between anxiety disorders and poor cardiac health. The timely and accurate identification and treatment of these conditions is of the utmost importance."" Now, for some who read this, they will think,"oh yeah, I better get some heart medication," but that's not what I think. I think"you'd better get some help with anxiety, or fear of any kind, and the role that it plays in your life." One of the tools that we have available is called cognitive appraisal. Simply put, that's taking stock of what you're actually thinking and feeling. Anxiety fear of any kind, and excitement, are almost physiologically identical. As far as your body is concerned. They're the same thing. Anxiety, excitement, same. So what's the difference? What makes one shut us down and the other one get us all jazzed about what's about to come? The answer is all in your head, literally. So here are some things that will help you allay fear and anxiety. Number one: don't calm down. Now those of you who are parents or have been in any kind of relationship will understand that telling somebody to calm down doesn't help anyway. But in this case, don't calm down. You don't need to. Remember that your body is already pouring a cocktail of chemicals into your bloodstream. The difference is what you tell yourself you're feeling. So, No need to calm down. Number two: tell yourself out loud that you are excited. I ran track for a little while until I broke my foot in week two of track practice. I would get up to the starting line and feel such an adrenaline rush, I can't even describe it. It was almost overwhelming. It was all I could do to stay on that line and hold still until the gun went off. That was excitement. It was also anxiety. Same thing. You get to tell yourself which thing it is. Tell yourself out loud."I am excited." Now, some of you know about power poses already. You may have seen a YouTube video or something that talks about how powerful it is to just stand, maybe with your hands on your hip, or with a V in the air--- sort of like Wonder Woman on her best day, or something like that. Power poses actually work. They change what's chemically happening in your body. So does telling yourself out loud that you're excited. Now you see why I didn't tell you to calm down. That feeling that you're feeling needs interpretation. It needs to mean something. What does it mean? It means you're excited. You're about to go on stage in front of your parents and peers? Great! Be excited."Yes, but I'm feeling..." Yeah. You get to choose. Fight or flight? Or, be excited? Whichever one you decide it means, it will mean. Here's something from an article called, Anxiety versus Relaxation: relabeling Anxiety as Excitement. It says, quote,"Rather than trying to combat anxiety head on, a better approach is to turn that feeling into excitement. In a recent study conducted by Alison Wood Brooks, a Harvard professor, people who tried to convert their anxiety into excitement performed better than those who didn't. The study asked people to speak out loud before having to perform or speak in public. They were asked to announce that they felt anxious, or that they felt excited, or they said nothing at all. The study found that those who said they were excited performed better than the others. Thus, positive self-talk is good for us. By changing the way we think we can change the way we feel." End quote. Number three: visualize powerful and helpful possibilities. Some of us who are creative have a knack for visualizing catastrophe really fast, and very, very clearly. That's a bad idea. A better idea is to visualize powerful and helpful possibilities. Yes, there are things that could go wrong, but I'm not going to focus on those. What are some of the good things that could come from this? Even if this is an experience I did not choose, I get to choose what it means. Number four: think honestly and clearly about your situation. Catastrophizing is not honest, because it's mythology. Until the worst happens, we cannot know that it's true. Thinking of powerful options or opportunities is also mythology, but it helps us be healthier and more likely to have a positive outcome. Self-fulfilling prophecy is absolutely and provably real. Be as honest as you can about the situation you're currently in, and be as optimistic as you can about those things that may result from it. Number five: avoid, avoid, avoid the urge to conflate things. Do you know what conflate means? Mash two complicated things together. You want an extreme example? World economic turmoil and exam results."I have to get this grade. I have to pass the exam. If don't, I have to repeat this semester and I'm afraid that the dollar isn't gonna be worth anything in six months. The whole world is gonna collapse before I'm even through the semester. The job market will be destroyed. I won't be able to have a job. I won't even be able to make a living. I can't even possibly do it. If I don't pass the exam, it's gonna be the end of everything." You see where I'm going with that? That's conflating. You're taking two complicated things and mashing them together to mean one thing. No, they don't mean the same thing. You don't need to conflate things. You don't need to say,"this thing means this thing." We've talked in other episodes about complex equivalence. That's kind of what you're doing. Avoid the urge to do that. Be careful to make things mean only what they mean, not what they could mean if everything went south. Number six: rest, relax, and meditate. There is no reward for sending yourself to an early grave. Give your body and your mind the rest they need. Find some way to get enough sleep, and enough prayer or meditation or whatever it is that relaxes you, to let your mind rest. It takes energy to run a brain, even a little one. But for the big ones like yours; takes even more. Number seven, change your diet if needed. We now know that our gut is actually a second brain, or even a third, depending on which researcher you talk to. Changing your diet to ensure that you have optimal health and cognitive function is the greatest gift you can give yourself and your loved ones. You want to serve your spouse or your kids? Take care of your body and your mind. Do you want to serve society? Take care of your body and your mind? You want to change the world? Those of you who read the Bible will notice that the command to not fear is mentioned 365 times, in one form or another. So, you think it's important? If you want to change the world, replace fear with excitement. Replace anxiety with hope for the future. Replace depression, dullness, and catastrophizing with optimism. These are ways to do it. They absolutely work. It will change the way you feel physically and mentally, and it will enhance your relationships faster than just about anything else you can do. I highly recommend it. You're my friends. I want you to be successful. We'll talk again soon.